dugaan..

assalamualaikum...

semoga kalian sentiasa berada di dalam keadaan sihat sejahtera..ermm..what should i said? well..in the past few weeks..there has a lot of things happened..actually..banyak yang nak diluahkan..tapi tak terluah dengan perkataan...macam nilah..setiap hari adalah cabaran scaredyang harus kita lalui isn't it? ..so do i..setiap hari ada sahaja cabaran yang perlu dilalui..adakalanya sangat menakutkan..sedih..

after 13 days my mom admitted to hospital raub..finally she can go home...but in the mean time..i stay by her side..24/7...i saw she getting weak day by day..until doctor told me..my mom condition getting worse..no option unless dialysis treatment ...my mom got CKD ..i know..but i didn't expect it happened too soon..

my mom become another person..she did not talk..eating..her face..show me that she want to surrender..she dont want any treatment..that was really broke my heart..i confuse..if i would say out loud..yes!yes! i want her do the treatment..but this all about her body..she will feel the pain..not me..not us..but..the  pain that cannot see..is the real pain that i must face it..it is more hurt and painful..i pray..and try to persuade her..Alhamdulillah..finally she agree..

after the operation..i can see the tears..keep flowing down her cheek..it must be pain..i know..she cant believe what she have to..i am sorry mom..this for your own good..after that mak start the dialysis..4 hour every session..oh my god..mak please be strong k..i am by your side...i can see she have appetite to eat..but she still loose hope..not talk..only sleep..and sleep...

i am worried..i need to do something..so i talk to her..but she keep silent..i know she hear me..untill my tears that i always hold flows like a river..i bet she saw it..i dont want to show my weakness in front of her..but i just want her to know..that i really worried and care about her..i want her to be strong..to fight her disease..thats all...

3 time a week..mak kena wat dialisis..and 4 hours every session..poor my mom..tapi ini semua untuk kebaikan mak...mak..orang sanggup buat apa sahaja untuk mak..asalkan mak sihat..biarlah orang jaga mak..biarla orang tak bekerja..tak kahwin..asalkan orang boleh jaga mak...the day ive got offered by cimb..you scold me why i rejected the offered..but mom..dont you want me to left you here alone..no of course not..if i accept means i need to left you..and mom k.l and raub is not near..jauh mak...

rezeki..jodoh..maut semua tuhan yang tentukan..i believe in Allah..mungkin belom tiba rezeki untuk aku lagi..tak apa..yang penting mak sihat-sihat dulu..bila keadaan mak dah stabil nanti orang akan cari kerja..bantu mak dan abah..sekarang memang orang tak mampu nak membantu dari segi kewangan..tapi tenaga yang ada ni..orang sanggup bagi untuk mak dan abah..jaga mak dan abah..ni je yang termampu buat waktu ni...

semoga kesihatan mak akan bertambah baik..Ya Allah permudahkan urusan kami ini ..mudaha-mudahan Amin..