HAPPY NEW YEAR 2015

Assalamualaikum...

rasanya belum terlambat nak cakap "HAPPY NEW YEAR 2015"..finally, i'm back again..wehuuuu..^^
tak tahu nak update apa? terkial-kial pulak rasa..after a year i guess..but never mind. from today i will starting my story again..tak best mana pun..

setahun sudah berlalu rupanya. dalam duduk mengeluh sehari-harian dulu meratapi nasib. now everything has changed. kalau dulu, aku duduk rumah tanam anggur. sekarang aku dah berjaya dapat kerja. dapat beli apa yang aku suka. dapat kumpul aset. walaupun sesak-sesak still alive dan berasa bangga sebab? sebab tak payah nak mengharap kat parent lagi dah.

tapi bila dah bekerja ni, aku jauh dengan mak abah. kalau dulu aku jaga mak dekat rumah. masih segar di ingata aku ni, dapat bersama dengan mak abah 24/7. macam mana lalui saat-saat sukar. kesedihan dihimpit dugaan dan ujian terhadap orang yang kita hormati dan sayang dengan kesakitan. kita jadi hopeless. boleh jadi kita hilang pegangan sebab terlalu menyalahkan takdir. tapi aku lupa.Tuhan itu Maha Menentukan. segala yang berlaku ada hikmah.

Aku bersyukur di atas apa yang aku ada sekarang. Thank you Allah. sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Pemurah. last year boleh dikatakan azam aku tercapai, sebab berjaya dapat kerja dan berjaya beli kereta dengan titik peluh sendiri.Alhamdulillah.

Mudah-mudahan tahun baru ni, kita semua akan diberikan kesihatan yang baik dan dirahmati oleh-Nya. Aminn...

dugaan..

assalamualaikum...

semoga kalian sentiasa berada di dalam keadaan sihat sejahtera..ermm..what should i said? well..in the past few weeks..there has a lot of things happened..actually..banyak yang nak diluahkan..tapi tak terluah dengan perkataan...macam nilah..setiap hari adalah cabaran scaredyang harus kita lalui isn't it? ..so do i..setiap hari ada sahaja cabaran yang perlu dilalui..adakalanya sangat menakutkan..sedih..

after 13 days my mom admitted to hospital raub..finally she can go home...but in the mean time..i stay by her side..24/7...i saw she getting weak day by day..until doctor told me..my mom condition getting worse..no option unless dialysis treatment ...my mom got CKD ..i know..but i didn't expect it happened too soon..

my mom become another person..she did not talk..eating..her face..show me that she want to surrender..she dont want any treatment..that was really broke my heart..i confuse..if i would say out loud..yes!yes! i want her do the treatment..but this all about her body..she will feel the pain..not me..not us..but..the  pain that cannot see..is the real pain that i must face it..it is more hurt and painful..i pray..and try to persuade her..Alhamdulillah..finally she agree..

after the operation..i can see the tears..keep flowing down her cheek..it must be pain..i know..she cant believe what she have to..i am sorry mom..this for your own good..after that mak start the dialysis..4 hour every session..oh my god..mak please be strong k..i am by your side...i can see she have appetite to eat..but she still loose hope..not talk..only sleep..and sleep...

i am worried..i need to do something..so i talk to her..but she keep silent..i know she hear me..untill my tears that i always hold flows like a river..i bet she saw it..i dont want to show my weakness in front of her..but i just want her to know..that i really worried and care about her..i want her to be strong..to fight her disease..thats all...

3 time a week..mak kena wat dialisis..and 4 hours every session..poor my mom..tapi ini semua untuk kebaikan mak...mak..orang sanggup buat apa sahaja untuk mak..asalkan mak sihat..biarlah orang jaga mak..biarla orang tak bekerja..tak kahwin..asalkan orang boleh jaga mak...the day ive got offered by cimb..you scold me why i rejected the offered..but mom..dont you want me to left you here alone..no of course not..if i accept means i need to left you..and mom k.l and raub is not near..jauh mak...

rezeki..jodoh..maut semua tuhan yang tentukan..i believe in Allah..mungkin belom tiba rezeki untuk aku lagi..tak apa..yang penting mak sihat-sihat dulu..bila keadaan mak dah stabil nanti orang akan cari kerja..bantu mak dan abah..sekarang memang orang tak mampu nak membantu dari segi kewangan..tapi tenaga yang ada ni..orang sanggup bagi untuk mak dan abah..jaga mak dan abah..ni je yang termampu buat waktu ni...

semoga kesihatan mak akan bertambah baik..Ya Allah permudahkan urusan kami ini ..mudaha-mudahan Amin..

ujian hidup semakin berat...

Dah 3 mlm berkampung kat hospital ni...nampak macam tak ada perubahan pun..sedih sangat tengok keadaan mak...dugaan cukup besar untuk kami dan keluarga...

Setiap hari ku bermohon...agar mak cepat sembuh...semakin berat dugaan untuk mak nampaknya...dan aku...aku lemah sangat ni..nape jadi macam ni...mana semangat aku ni? Mana hilangnya??

Dan..berite itu...ssngat melemahkan aku..
Ya Allah...kuatkanlah hatiku ini...agar dapat mengharungi setiap dugaan..

tears...

Berat mata memandang...berat lg bahu memikul...ya Allah kuatkanlah hati kami...mengharungi dugaan ini...

tears...

Air mata..tolong jangan mengalir...mata simpankan air mata ini..tolonglah aku merayu..ya Allah..tabahkanlah hati ini menghadapi hari yang mendatang..mata..mohon tabah melihat kesakitan beliau ini...

apa nak jadi?

apa nak jadi katanya?

hah..tiba-tiba nak mengupdate story..cerita apa pulak la kali ni kan...hurmm..cerita ada orang nak masuk meminang..hihihi...macam gatal je..macam gedik je...macam malu je...sabar..sabar...bukan masanya lagi..nasib beliau memahami situasi..walaupun macam-macam berlaku lately..aku tetap memikir kehidupan berumah tangga sekarang ni..sebab..sebab..sebanya..semua orang dah berbunyi-bunyi menanya bila nak kawin..bunyi macam senang kan...tapi susah sebenarnya..banyak benda nak kena pikir...

tambahan keadaan mak yang kurang sihat ni...sampai terpikir nak kawin ngan orang kampung je...sebab senang balik sekali..boley tengok mak selalu..hehehe...boleh macam tu..sampai macam tu pikiran memikirkan mak dengan abah..boleh kot..kalau dah berjodoh dengan orang kampung tak salah rasanya kan...

Opick Tiada Duka Yang Abadi (lirik)

Ya Allah berikanlah kami semua kekuatan dan ketabahan untuk menghadapi ujian hidup serta lindungilah kami semua dr azab kubur dan azab api neraka......

Lifehouse - I'm Falling Even More In Love With You

http://www.youtube.com/v/xyqruTi_0eU?autohide=1&version=3&attribution_tag=9YvmAJSKrNKkMOefkU8kmA&autohide=1&autoplay=1&showinfo=1&feature=share

officially degree holder story..but...

dear my bloggie..how are you?

its been a while since my last entry..here i would like to share my yesterday convocation ceremony ..first of all..i would like to praise to Allah..Alhamdullillah..syukur sangat-sangat..after a year i waiting for this day..a year already...time fly so fast..in just blink of the eye..a year had past..memory..only memory i can recall as substitute of my feeling..feeling sad..i miss my student life story..i miss my teenager time..i miss the environment of study place..i miss my rent house..and of course i miss all my friend..miss a lot..

and yesterday..is my day..wearing jubah, hood and mortar board for the second time..i am happy..proud of myself i can finish my study, even though the journey is full with challenging..and finally,  it reach to the end... Alhamdullillah.. at the moment i saw my reflect to the mirror while i was wearing the maroon jubah..i feel so proud of myself..but one thing is missing..i soothing my own feeling..i said "it's o.k.."

when i saw my friends..they wearing the same jubah as me of coz..i feel so proud of them..i saw the happiness..we were chatting happily..most of them success with their job..i am proud again..my friend with their own career..last year we still together..but now we cannot repeat the moment again..only memory...

                                     


                                           


and to my dear and beloved friend..it was about 6 year already right?..this past 6 years we are going through so much difficulty and happiness together..you know me well and so do i..we love clinging each other..our stupid joke..even till now isn't it?..we cry sometimes...we tell our story good or bad..we listen to each other..and sometime we misunderstood as well..fight..but we can fix it in any minute..that was us..because we really know each other..god give us more time to spend while we further our study from diploma to degree..and we should say thank to Allah..jodoh kita bersama masih dipanjangkan..not like our long lost diploma frenz..and yesterday we wearing the jubah again my beloved friend..we success finally..thanx for being my friend..you like my other half you know nuraziela zulkifli @ alang...hehehe..congrast once again my friend...

                                            

even in the happiness moment..still i cannot throw away my feeling inside..empty..missing..while capture a photo with my abah and abang yesterday..i draw a photo in my mind...i imagine mak beside me..looking at me take the scroll on the stage..looking at me walk proudly while enter in that big hall..take picture together as abah on my right while mak on my left side..same as my diploma moment..but..it was just my imagination..

and that time...abah know i am sad..abah said to me.."abah nak belikan kau bunga..jom" but it was raining heavily..i said its ok lah abah..hujan lebat..then he just passing by..get my the flower..how touching it was..your sacrifice abah...until now..never failed..i know you want make me happy as much as you can..u wanna make my day..i know..you feeling the same as well..terima kasih abah..even the flower you give it just ordinary..not like others...for me..your flower is much..much more beautiful in the world..i love you abah...
and i would like to dedicated my degree to mak and abah..this is for you guys..without both of you..i will not
able standing here today..i will try my best as i can to give happiness to you...

                                          

                                          


                                          

                                         

                                  "thank you Allah for this gift..
                      happy graduation day everyone!! =)"

i love you..please be o.k

Salam ahad my dear bloggie..
   Seems like a long ago i'm not updating my blog...well, today feel like want to share somethng..yeah..something..story..a sad one..i dont know how to start..but it is..i really want to show how i feel inside..

Hurmm..actually i'm really scared..yeah i'm scared..scared to lost somebody that i really..really love..love damn much..it hurt me to see them in pain..but the thing that i really afraid of..had happened finally..without any thought..then..for the first time i saw my dearly mother admit to hopital..this is kind of history..my parent never admit to hospital all this while..but it happened..it really scared me to death..i swear..it is..

And im crying..cry and cry..until there is no tears to flow up..this is so much pain.whenever i see my mother had so many injection..my mother is not a maniquen..but i know they just do their job..but i really feel the pain..the pain in my chest..when i see the scrnario..the image is still there..

i am sorry mom..i cant do anything..but one thing is for sure..i will be there..beside you..to care of you..to accompany you..to help you when you need something..because i love you so much..so..so much..and the thing that i did is the same like what you have done for me...no..no not only me mother..but for us..you take care of us..help us..raising us until we growing up..thanx a lot mother..whatever i do..i still cannot pay all the sacrifice that you and abah had done...

I am sorry..if you not feel the happiness yet..but i promise i am trying to bri g those hapiness to both of you..i just need your bless mak abah...thanx for everything...i love you guys so much...

Dear Allah..thanx  still give me tbis chance..in whatever happend in the past..i will not blame it..may be rezeki still not in my side..because i have this precious momment with my parent..to take care of them..i believe in you dear God..coz "rezeki itu datangnya dari-MU ya Allah.."semoga di kemudian hari akan ada sinar yang menerangi...AMin..

someday..

dah bosan asek mengadap jobstreet je..hurmm..nak apply ape lagi tak tahu..menganggur dan terus menganggur..apala nasib aku ni..risau pulak rasa..umur dah 25 tahun..tahun depan dah 26 tahun..boyfriend pun tak ada lagi..boyfriend?? hurmm..entahlah..takut memang takut..tapi aku tak ada perasaan la..macam mana ni yek? memang aku tak nafikan..ada seseorang yang sentiasa menunggu aku..tapi aku rasa aku memang tak boleh dengan dia..aku pun tak tahu kenapa..seolah--olah dah tertutup pintu hati untuk dia..dan untuk orang lain juga...aku masih tak dapat nak membuka hati..mungkin aku berada di dalam keadaan yang selesa macam ni...bebas..bebas sebebas-bebasnya...tak peduli nak buat apa.tak perlu pikir hati siapa nak jaga..sebab diri aku..aku yang punye..mungkin itu sebabnya...

tapi...sampai bila nak macam ni kan? orang lain berlumba-lumba cari duit nak kawin cepat-cepat..tapi aku..masih duduk bawah tempurung kelapa..gelap..sunyi...haih~ entah la...hari-hari yang berlalu...i just hope will getting better...i hope so that i will find my job and will get sombody that i really love and somebody that love me as well...hanya berpegang pada kata-kata pujangga.." Someday.. you will find someone, who will watch every sunrise with you until the sunset of your life"

Happy holiday

Hello Saturday guys...

Happy holiday and happy Malaysia day..I am proud to be Malaysian..how about you guy? I guess you too right?hurmm..well for now..I just don't know what should I write..haha..no point by the way...boaring kan..nak mengarut ..

money tree! come to me...

today is Thursday..

so what am i gonna do?hurmm..like usual..i am doing nothing...fheeeew..so boaring..boaring and boaring again.. i would like to tell some story...i am struggling on my job seekers..somebody please let me get the new job please...i really need MONEY now!...


                                                  

plant the money tree o.k..! fuhh heaven..gambatte! hwaitting nomie! searching for a job now...pallii..:)

goodbye ammm...bank!

what up guys...huhu

a few month already since the last entry..bz maybe..tapi tu cerita lama..becoz rite now, memang tengah free sangat-sangat..why? because i am resign now...good job nomie..now you are so jobless..sob~sob..but i resign bukan saja-saja...ada reason taw..reason yang sangat berat..

berat sangat ke? memang lah..korang mana taw..pikir i keje kat bank gaji i mahal..duduk bawah aircond 24-7..huh! who say that? tak semudah yang disangka o.k..being as wealth specialist you need encouraging from your colleague..it is fine with that..i got the encouraging from them...you know right? sales position ni tak ramai yang sanggup..why? because everything is based on targeting...so..so frustrated..not only for yourself but for your branch as well...can you imagine that if you cannot achieve the target..you must be scolded with so pure bahasa yang indah...phew indah la sangat kan..<tangan di bahu..mate ke atas>

but for me..i am abit beruntung la kan..coz my area manager so damn understanding his co-worker..he always taught me, encourage me, give some advice...sometimes he is like my friend you know...even all my colleaugue as well really like him..we really hormatkan dia as our big boss..dia tersangat low profile..anyway thanx coz bwk i naik in your gorgeous car..nissan fairlady huh..ehem...sempat lagi kan..hehe..dont think to much..sume staff dia pernah naik kereta dia ok..hehehe...

but one thing that make me frustrated is my boss..i mean my bm..he is so annoying...too skema..tak taw nak cakap macam mana..sometimes dia sangat psiko..so gatal as well..huh dont mention lebih-lebih la.no joke about it o.k..i je yang taw..bayangkan la..bila kita bekerja bukan sebab kita nak sangat kerja yang kita dapat tu then,,dapat pulak la bos yang macam ni kan..memang terabur habis la attitude kerja aku...bukan apa..sometimes i need to show my power too..dia tak boleh pijak kepala sesuka hati sesedap rasa dia kan? beul tak? dont you think you are the boss then you can do whatever you wanna do..

thats why la i change my attitude 360 degree..you so annoying with me then huh? siapa suruh bossy sangat..but its ok la..benda dah lepas..but semua tu jadi pengajaran la kan..to all my friends..especially yang girls out there...kita ni berisiko bekerja di bawah bos lelaki..hati-hati dengan mereka yang suka ambik kesempatan ni..dont let them touch your precious body..get out to them!

because of my issue want to resign..so my area manager really..really terkejut..he know already the reason..thats why he want to tranfer me to another branch..but i dont want la..jauh kot..takpela..anggap je tak ada rezeki di situ kan...

i believe rezeki ada di tempat lain dan bukannya disini..

CRYING IN MY HEART..

Tika keheningan aku bagai dibuai

Dinginnya malam yang panjang

Tika kegelapan sayu unggas berdendang

Mengubat hati yang rawan

Bagaikan dinginnya malam yang suram

Begitulah diriku diibaratkan

Dalam kesamaran ku rempuhi ranjau

Biarpun payah ku teruskan

Siapa memandang tidakkan ku hirau

Biarpun pedih ku tahankan

Jamahlah bintang

Beri daku sinaran

Semoga hati ku cekal

Akan ku teruskan walau harus ditelan

Seribu nista di tangan

Terbanglah hai unggas bebas di awan

Agar kan tercapai sinar gemerlapan

Tuhan ku inginkan secebis harapan

Hanya padamu ku serahkan

Apakah kan ada ketulusan jiwa

Yang menilai ku seadanya

Tuhan ku inginkan secebis harapan

Hanya padamu ku serahkan

Tuhan ku inginkan secebis harapan

Ku pasrah padamu Tuhan

Tuhan……

new progressing..

location updated: in new house..lawat tapak...

pencapaian terbaru aku..boleh drive alone dengan kadar kejauhan yang tak seberapa daripada rumah..nampkanya selamat sampai...Alhamdullillah..berjaya jugak..huhu pencapaian yang membanggakan jugak lah..walaupun jauhnya tak seberapa..tapi o.k la kan..bawak kereta abang aku pun satu pencapaian jugak aku rasa..haha..my bigest fear factor..dah berjaya aku atasi sedikit demi sedikit...

hopefully progress aku semakin baik dan positif..bila dah progress banyak positif...kadar keyakinan diri pun semakin bertambah jugak..hopefully la kan..mudah-mudahan dipermudahkan oleh yang Maha Kuasa..Aminnn..semoga sentiasa selamat dan dilindungi oleh-Nya...

the rhytm..

i have gain my confident level now..haha..despite still have a piece of nervousness in me..i hope it will be gone forever by the day i starting to drive for my self..hihihi..really..really hope by the day i have to start my work..i already grab the rhythm how to be a good driver..

excited!

hello my beloved site! i'm so excited to tell so many..many story..hehehe..fuhhh~ first of all i would like to say Alhamdullillah..thanks to Allah..finally all i wanted all this while is in my hand now..yeahh..i already get my job..although a lot of people told that my position is tough..i know..yeahh..but i would like to try it first..who knows right? maybe it suite for me haha..or else..maybe it can give me some experience . it  should be that way...always think positive..

second thing is..i already got my rent house..by the way thank to my sister and  my brother in law..because help me to find the living place for me..hehehe...the another thing is..i'm driving a car again..yeahh..again..but the problem is..manual car...fuhhh~ now-days is rare people using manual car right..? but me? uhh~ i have no choice then..i have my brother car..my father car..but all of that is manual..i just hope..i can control it..really..really hope for that..

last but not least..i wish by the end of this year..i can have my own car? is it realistic or not?hehehe..hope so right..

p/s: excited mood thinking of graduation day..can't wait...miss my friend a lot and a lot ^^

work out again!

tomorrow is going back to my kampung..and tomorrow i will take my lesson for driving again..ahahaha..such a silly girl of me! already got the license but cannot drive..great! i need to work out no matter what..fuhh~ i can do it! nervous actually..after 3 years long i never touch the stereng..wow! so impressive right?. i must do it!

Nora - Secebis Harapan

while i'm listening ti this song..it gave a lot of meaning for me.. all this while i feel lost..but i shouldn't give up right? because i knew Allah is always by my side..just me who didn't notice at all..i believe in Allah..Aku percaya segalanya sudah ditentukan oleh-Nya..i cannot lose hope..if everything is setup is yours..then it will yours..but if it didn't..then we know the answer right? just beserah to Allah..

p/s : secebis harapan utk diri sendiri..hehe